Christmas Chaos

Christmas 2003, certainly one to remember. Financially we were probably as stable as we have ever been so it was going to be a good Christmas in that respect. Family and friends to share it with - to my brother's for a family Christmas Day, at home with friends for our Boxing Day. Health, well, minor hiccups here (no, not alcohol-induced ones!), we were both recovering, sort of, from the ever present Christmas virus, this year's bringing with it at best a rather nasty cough (me) and at worst a chest infection (Pat). But we were coping. Which is more than can be said for various household appliances!

The first to give up was the washing machine. It was kind enough to allow us to get most of the pre-Christmas washing done then, two days before Christmas Eve, it plunged into machine madness, either stopping in the middle of a wash and steadfastly refusing to move on, or spinning madly whilst its program dial weirdly and slowly span through the whole cycle on its own without having any effect whatsoever on what the machine was doing. Actually, to tell the truth, we had already had an incident prior to this when the new bread maker (bought to complement the new kitchen) blew up, taking two of the kitchen sockets with it. Whether it was the bread maker that blew the sockets or the sockets that blew the bread maker we do not know but we were rapidly running out of usable sockets so could not spare any more to try to find out.

Then the tumble dryer came out in sympathy with its soul mate, the washing machine. It decided that "low" meant cold and "high" meant lukewarm. A comparatively small matter of interpretation but at least we found we could safely dry the clothes that the washing machine had so kindly allowed us to finish. The consolation for both these items was the fact that, being fully aware of our appalling record with such machines, we had wisely taken out extended guarantees. Now, I know that all the consumer affairs and trading standards chaps warn you never to touch such horrors and rip-offs as extended guarantees and, normally, we would not, but we can destroy as many washing machines and tumble dryers in a year as most folks will do in a lifetime (nothing to do, you understand, with the amount of cats we have or the amount of cat hair generated by them and transported into the machines via clothing, bedding etc) so in the case of these items we always go for it. And we have, over the years, taken out far more than we have paid in. So, find the guarantees. Except that I couldn't. In the case of the washing machine at least. A different matter in the case of the tumble dryer, here, not only did I find that I had just taken out a renewal of the guarantee by monthly direct debit (thus saving myself the princely sum of £5 a year) but that I also had 12 months still to run on the original extended guarantee.... Er............... got that wrong somewhere along the line!

Then, the day before Christmas Eve the sink blocked up. Whatever caused it I was sure that it was at least in part due to the minimal fall on the drainage pipe from the sink. It was pointed out to the fitter at the time but he assured us it would be OK. So we emptied the water out of the washing up bowl into the sink and there it stayed. I put on my plumber's hat, took my limited knowledge, courage and a dry cloth in both hands, stuck a container under the sink and unscrewed the U-bend pipe. Result? An overflowing container, a wet cupboard, a destroyed cardboard washing powder tablet box, a damp knee and an empty sink. Also, a perfectly clear U-bend. The blockage was obviously further along the pipe. OK. Refit U-bend, mop up, change jeans, pile washing powder tablets on top of one another, throw destroyed box away and rethink the situation. Too close to Christmas to do anything now but at least we could do the washing up in a bowl and carry it out to the outside grid to empty it. And I knew I would be getting a cheque from my dear old mum for Christmas so maybe we could afford a plumber in the new year.

Later that night, just before I dropped off to sleep I had one of those flashes of inspiration. A tiny, tinny, bell in the deepest recesses of my mind was ringing annoyingly. Memory stirred and a vague recollection of being offered additional plumbing, or was it electrical, cover by the Gas Board along with our annual central heating cover nagged at me. Had I or hadn't I? It was too late and I was too sleepy to look now so I left it until morning, when, joy of joys, I discovered that I had not only opted for the plumbing and drainage cover but also for the electrical cover. That extra £2 a month suddenly looked very cheap! It was Christmas Day and I had felt like I had been given an extra present. Despite the fact that the cover stated I could telephone them 24 hours a day, 365 days a year (so which day can I not phone them in a leap year??) we were too busy to be bothered until after Christmas. But we had peace of mind - not to mention a bedroom full of washing. Oh yes, and a large Christmas tree and a LOT of cats!

Postscript.

Christmas passes uneventfully. OK, so it is not easy washing up after Boxing Day dinner for four, especially when you have to run two whole bowls of water just to get it hot enough. Even though the kitchen is the next nearest room to the heating boiler after the dining room, where the boiler is situated, it is the furthest from it in terms of hot water pipe work, it comes of the kitchen being a later extension I guess, and it takes an absolute age for the water to run hot. But, in true Brit style, we manage and do not let it spoil the day. I am, however, immediately on to the washing machine people and the Gas Board the next day, Saturday, and am surprised and pleased when they say that the washing machine man will be with us Monday afternoon, the plumber will come Monday morning and the electrician Tuesday morning. The Gas Board chap at the other end of the phone does joke about me being greedy and asks, only fractionally sarcastically, if there is anything else they can help me with? I thank him but say that the heating is, for now at least, working OK, forgetting that the bathroom radiator has been playing up for a while; if the thermostatic valve is set to anything less than full it goes off, on full it turns the bathroom into a sauna, but, in my heart of hearts, I doubt if I would have had the nerve to call them out for that as well, it will wait for another day. As will the tumble dryer. Oh the bliss of having clean clothes and a sink that drains.